Weaning

I am absolutely torn to pieces about weaning Declan today. We have cut down to nursing only in the morning and occasional naps for a while now, other than when he was recently sick. I was very thankful for it then and I was trying to wait for him to "self wean", but at this rate he will be 3 and still asking for it! LOL!! I really want my body back and would love to lose the last 15 lbs, so I decided yesterday that it was time now. zThis morning we did not nurse. I don't know why I feel so GUILTY!! It went pretty well considering, but there were a couple of extreme "Nuuunga??" queries before I got him in his chair for breakfast this morning. The routine used to be Daddy would go in and get him in the morning and bring him to me in bed where we would have a relaxing time nursing and we all would be together in bed. It would give me a chance to wake up slowly and have that special time with him. I just now put him down for his nap and this is when it really got heart breaking! He really wanted to nurse and was not taking his sippy cup of milk. Pleading and begging with big green eyes welling with tears. Of course when he gets upset, my first instinct is to nurse and my boobs filled up even more making it extremely tempting to have some relief. As he was crying and I held him tight I sang to him a song from his favorite book "I'll love you forever" by Robert Munsch; "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." I sang this a couple of times to him as tears were streaming down my cheeks. This is sooooooooo hard!! My baby is growing up and as much as it hurts I have to begin a new chapter in our relationship. I am crying as I write this right now. I am so thankful that I was able to nurse at all, let alone for how long I have done it. It has been one of the hardest, most selfless things I have ever accomplished and I am very proud of myself. A couple of times I really wanted to pack it in!! It was difficult nursing with teeth at first, but he was very polite about it after I screamed in pain one time. It was difficult when he was first born because of the lost sleep and the sore nipples...the TUBES AND TUBES of lasinoh nipple balm I went through!! Throughout all of the challenges, I remained steadfast that I would see through a year with him at least because I felt it was best for him and the right thing to do. I am an older Mommy and this will be my last baby I think, so I wanted to stay home and really enjoy him and give him my best. Even though my breasts are sore, and I am very weepy, this too shall pass and we will still be as close as ever.