Cabbage leaves and Sage tea

Good grief this is painful!!! No wonder I put it off for so long! I feel like I just got bad breast implants or something. My breasts are like softballs and are so tender that if you touch them I yelp. I have to carry Declan side saddle, and it hurts to even raise my arms. I read on babycenter.com that cabbage leaves and sage tea help with the pain and speed up the process of the milk drying up. Last night Patrick got some cabbage and fresh sage for me. What a guy! I am now drinking the tea which I made by just tearing the leaves into a cup and pouring hot water over them, and I've got the nice cold cabbage on my boobs. Declan is asleep so I have time to write...man this is HARD!! I just have to suck it up and deal until this passes. The ladies on babycenter said that the next 48 hours or so will SUCK, and after that it gets better. I hope so...it doesn't help that Declan asks for it, but he is doing so much better than I thought he would. It's ME that is not okay. I started crying yesterday because I just am so upset about the loss of my little tiny baby. By weaning him he is officially not a baby anymore and I am okay with that, it's just hard emotionally. I tried to explain to Patrick about my feelings of guilt last night...if Declan still wants it and I am still producing it, am I going against nature by weaning him before he is ready? I am trying to get over it, and I think it will just take some time like anything else.