Music Together!

We were invited to come to a class at the Discovery Museum by our new friends Cathy and Benton, and we liked it so much, we signed up. I met Cathy at Corte Madera Park a while ago, and she was so kind and helpful about things to do here in Marin for toddlers! It has been challenging for me to be in a new town without any pals with a new baby, and I was happy I met such a good person. Declan's new words are : Auntie, Cathy, Bent Bent, (Benton, his new friend from Music Together) guitar, bark, flower, bench, up step, down, Kate, driver, (screw driver) cow, sheep, goats, penguin, there are so many now it's hard to keep up!

Declan is sweet and kind, and has a tender heart. It is as if the very sun itself were behind his eyes! So full of life and joy! A Blessed Jewell, so precious. I feel like the luckiest Mommy in the whole world to be blessed with such a magic, dear presence. He is like a little politician wherever he goes saying "Hi!" to everyone he sees! One sweet older woman in Molly Stones, the funky, local market here in Bon Air Shopping Center, said "what a gregarious young man!" That describes him entirely. He reminds me of the best parts of my Daddy, (also a Leo)warm, confidant and sweet.

He is very spirited, and can be aggressive with the head butting and kicking. It really got to me when he hurt me a couple of times pretty bad. I yelled at him and got in his face one day, which immediately brought a halt to the vicious body kicks he was delivering while I was trying in vain to change his blowout poopie diaper. Poop everywhere!! I just was so ashamed I lost control, and so sad and disgusted that we were covered in poop, that I started to cry! I can't be too hard on myself..it is not easy to be a good mother, if it were everyone would work as hard as I do. I keep my serenity most of the time, but I just lost it that day. I really scared the little guy, and that just sent my self esteem to the floor.

I must remember that tomorrow is another day to be amazing, and I am only human. We all have pitfalls and challenges daily, and it is our reactions to these events that determine our destiny and happiness. I lost my temper. Big deal. I am not the first Mommy to blow a gasket, but it just feels so AWFUL!!! I don't want to hurt him in any way, and yelling is definitely very hurtful. Peace be with me. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

I wrote this poem on that day ( Kosen Rufu means World Peace)

Kosen Rufu Within

help me with this anger
this demon inside of me
help me to be peaceful
help me to be free
show me the way
to forgive myself
for the violence
with word and deed
I have committed
against the innocent
in my lifetime
the shame
and regret
for causing fear
and intimidation
in the eyes of
another
help me to find
the kosen rufu
within my own
body and soul
and sit in that peace
for the rest of my life
giving out peaceful
vibrations
no matter what
remaining even minded
in the face of whatever