Patrick Rocks!

This life I am living I could not have even imagined a couple of years ago. Years of my life in a rolling box swirling around the world. Having a home and a baby and a man who really knows me and is my best friend are things I didn't think were in the cards for me. I had resigned myself to a life of selfish creative pursuits. My parent's divorce really made me think that in the end, men always let you down no matter how wonderful they are. I became somewhat of an angry "man eater". I had serious trust issues, and still struggle with them. Patrick and I were friends for almost a year before anything happened between us. That was the first time that had ever happened to me. I am still learning about intimacy and trust, but having a man who loves and understands me and is worthy of trust is the best gift that I can give Declan, because if we are happy then he will be happy. Patrick is the best Daddy I could have ever hoped for Declan, and I am overwhelmed with joy that it will be our two year anniversary in April. We make a great team and I am proud to have him by my side forever.

Getting Hurt and Sick

No Mommy likes to see their baby get hurt, and I am no exception. Fortunately Declan has been relatively boo boo free for most of his little life, but I can't help but feel guilty when it has happened. I just irrationally don't ever want to see him suffer or be in pain if I can help it. He is a boy so I am in for it as far as boo boos for the rest of his life, so I'd better get used to it and FAST! I am sure a lot of Mommies and Daddies feel the same. We were at the park, and he was running fast and on his own on the pavement and fell. His poor little face bounced off the ground dramatically and he ended up having a scrape and slight bump on his forehead and nose. It was terrifying to watch! I normally do not let him run on hard surfaces without holding my hand, but Pat let him run and it only took a second. It is healed now and he wasn't seriously hurt at all, but when I look at his puffy, tear streaked face, I feel such profound love and sympathy that it feels as if my own heart and soul were shattering into a billion pieces. Toddlers have accidents, and that is how they learn. I get it...but try telling that to my heart!

We have been relatively lucky in regard to sickness with Declan, and I attribute that mostly to my prenatal diet and exercise program the whole nine months, absolutely no alcohol during my pregnancy and after while breastfeeding, and the act of "extended" breast feeding or EBF. Also, apparently, multiracial humans, very much like mixed breed dogs or "mutts", are healthier, smarter, more symmetrical facially, and with a much stronger immune system than their pure bred counterparts. Back in my modeling days, I was chosen along with some other models to pose as an illustration to an article in Elle Magazine about a controversial book called "Mean Genes" by Terry Burnham and Jay Phelan. We were all chosen for our symmetrical faces, and as it turns out, the ones who were most racially mixed were the most symmetrical. The article states; "The controversial UCLA biology professor’s ideas are impeccably well-timed. In an era when society has embraced a long roster of multiracial stars like Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, Shakira, and Alicia Keys, when models with dazzlingly varied combinations of skin tone and eye color gaze out from magazine spreads, Phelan has found compelling scientific justification for the cultural moment. In short, he believes people of multiracial heritage are not just inherently more attractive than those who aren’t, but they are stronger and healthier, too." Quite flattering! When I was growing up in Missouri, it was very difficult for me being a racially mixed child, and I suffered quite a bit for it. This validation was very healing and important for my self esteem.

I can't deny that I am hardly ever ill. I have never had mumps, measles, chicken pocks, and barely a cold or flu since adulthood. Patrick, then Declan were struck with the stomach flu one right after the other. It was the saddest thing I have ever seen! Miserably moaning boys vomiting everywhere! Declan vomited directly into my face and I still didn't get sick! I had to stay up all night with him, and this is really when I thanked my lucky stars that I still breastfeed him. It was the only thing he could keep down! Both of the boys are feeling much better, but I am exhausted!!!

Handicapped Placard

On January 24th of this year, I slipped and fell and sprained my ankle really badly. I broke off a couple of pieces of bone which really hurt, and I was sent into a tailspin of worry about who would care for Declan if I couldn't. Happy New Year!! It was so upsetting and scary, not to mention the most pain I have been in since giving birth. LOL! I wonder if any new stay at home Mommies out there have hurt themselves and been unable to care for their little one? I am really active, and was just starting to see results from my daily walks and trips to the gym. I have lost most of the weight, I just need to tone up. Being off my feet and depressed is not something I was looking forward to. I could just taste all of the horrifyingly fattening food that I would soon be consuming to drown my sorrows! Luckily I have a terrific husband who took a week off to take care of me and Declan. It was also another opportunity for me to see just how incredible and kind Patrick's oldest friend Kevin is. He and his wife Kate brought over a care package of some beef stroganoff and other yummy goodies like chicken soup. Kevin throws down hard in the kitchen, so you know I was happy! Many good friends offered to come and help, and that was beautiful! I have a "frankenboot" which I must wear for a couple of months, and my Doctor signed off for me to have a handicapped placard until August! Sweet!

ALL CLEAN!

I respect and admire a modern day saint named Mata Amritanandamayi Ma or Ammachi the "Hugging Saint"
as she is sometimes called, and I had the privilege of being hugged and blessed by her in 2005. You should have seen the lines of all sorts of people waiting for darshan! Grown men in her lap sobbing uncontrollably! It was a pretty rare and spectacular scene. I bought a pair of sterling silver rudraksha beads to be blessed by her, and when I finally got my turn, she held me and rocked me and said "No No No No"sweetly and softly like she was scolding a very naughty tiny baby. Let's face it folks, I wasn't living right at the time, and that's the reason I came to see her. I needed to get back on track, and I had read her biography back in '98 when I was in Australia and I finally got my chance. Well, the other day Declan picked up the beads and held them for a long time. He then looked up at me and said "All Clean!" with a big smile on his face and a look in his eye far beyond his years. All clean indeed. I knew that he knew what those beads meant, and here before me was the living, breathing realization of my dearest wish as I sat crying in Amma's lap. Here is a precious video of Declan after a bath with Daddy. Enjoy!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mata_Amritanandamayi
http://www.amma.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudraksha

Nunga nunga!

Well, I am just amazed! Ever since Declan was able to talk he has called my boobs "nunga"If he wants to nurse he comes up to me and says NUUUUNGA??? Just for fun, I googled nunga, and to my surprise, it is British slang for BOOBS!!

This is the urban dictionary link where I discovered it. There is also a BOOK entitled "Knocked out By My NUNGA NUNGAS" by Louise Rennison. Wow. I suppose little Declan just arrived in a new body fresh from England! Reincarnation is no joke..how would he possibly know the slang word for boobs - in ENGLAND?

New Home!

Well, we have moved again and there has been a serious gap in my blogging efforts, but I hope to get back on track and be disciplined about writing daily even if it is one sentence!
So much to catch up on! Let's start with the present...we moved to Greenbreae, a beautiful town in Marin close to the Bon Air Shopping Center. Bon Air is off the hook!

It was so hard at the Corte Madera place because we were a one car family when we first moved here, and there was absolutely NOTHING in strollering/walking distance at all. We were on this big, jacked up hill (which was great for losing baby weight, mind you! I called it "the BUTT hill LOL!) and I would just push that frickin' stroller up and down that hill twice a day just to get out of the house. We finally got a second car, so now Declan and I are MOBILE!!! (cue The Who..) Back in my Black Jeep...yes!! (cue AC/DC Back in Black..) The Bon Air Shopping Center has everything, including a Molly Stones, which by the way, is a gourmet's dream! It is a beautiful privately owned supermarket which I had never heard of. They also have fabulous seasonal events in the courtyard like an awesome Pumpkin Patch with gigantic displays of all types of huge squash, Santa, and Christmas Trees!

We moved here in October and our moving day was on my birthday! Some people might have been bummed, but this fabulous new place for my family is a huge present! Declan is saying two word sentences now like; "all clean", "all gone" "back poop", (when you poop so much it goes up and out the back of the diaper!) and "all done". His words are; Dada, Mama, cat, dog, go, bird, grass, train, playpen, din din, belly button, (beh buh) chair, ding, drum, do do, peepee, bear, phone, down, shoe, pants, bug, meat, cheese, and when I think of more I will post them. He hates the swing, and loves his Baby Einstein videos!

All of his big side teeth are coming in at once, and at an alarmingly fast rate! Almost overnight! He has been pretty cranky, but is very upbeat and smiley considering the pain he must be in. We are still nursing, which surprises some people, including my mother. I want it to be his decision when he wants to quit, and it is the only thing that really comforts him during this difficult time. Technically children are still infants until they are two years old, and in Europe it is common for a child to be nursed occasionally until they are three. This is my last and only child, and I am forty as of October, so his needs come first.

Happy to be blogging again!

Walking!!

For the last two weeks Declan has been walking on his own. Yesterday he was kicking his ball quite expertly down the hall like a soccer star! His words now are Mama, Dada, Lily, ball, bunny or "bun ni ni" and bye bye. He babbles all of the time so I am sure he is saying more..it takes time to interpret the words. He has learned how to wave bye bye and clap. When he is happy or there is music on he wiggles his head from side to side in a little dance! He is so sweet and kind and independent! He loves to eat spinach, broccoli, and pasta. He LOVES blueberries so much, that sometimes his poop is blue! He is now 20 pounds and 30 inches long! His feet are so big that I know he will be so tall...I am so proud of him and each day is a miracle.