BABY WEIGHT..

Well, it felt as if I was going to be 160 lbs forever, but as I enter Declan's sixth month, I feel more myself now than ever. My right knee creaks now and I don't know what that is about, but I can kneel and sit on the floor now and I couldn't before. My knees have been pretty bad since he was born, but I guess it is the relaxin that takes a while to leave your system. Relaxin is a substance that gelatinizes your collagen on all of your joints which allow the hip bones to expand to expel the baby...the female body is amazing! chanting and positive affirmations It takes a lot of strength, chanting and positive affirmations not to be hard on myself and love myself as I am now. All of that poor conditioning from modeling and acting is hard to shake. Looking at my big healthy boy helps a lot too! I haven't looked at the scale, but I can tell I have lost so much more now. What feels great is knowing that I ate well and took my vitamins and worked out during my pregnancy. I tool excellent care and did not ever drink once. I ate very healthily and did not have any major weird cravings. I just wanted more of what I normally love like blueberries and mango. I feel very strong now and I love Declan's beautiful spirit. He is finding out he can scream loud now so he is really practicing expressing himself lately. He can also slide back the linen closet door all by himself now! He is really getting a grip on things and letting me know which activities he would like to do. I love being a Mommy!

OMG UNINTERUPTED SLEEP!!!

Last night for the first time in 15 months I had a night of uninterupted sleep! When I was pregnant I was either too full of life to sleep...so many hormones and new feelings and excitement..who can sleep? I would watch TV on the couch with Baby my cat. We would watch sunrise earth that was DVRed as I contemplated with wonder the new cute life that was swimming around in my womb! The fruit of my womb...I was thinking about that last night. "The fruit of thy womb Jesus" was running through my mind as I gazed at little Declan nursing. He used to be inside of me, and now that he is outside of me I still feel as though he is a part of me. I am his food source..I am somebody's food! The concept is mindblowing. I am providing him life support with the fluids he contuinues to need from me outside of my body. Nutrition, comfort and safety. The feeling and knowing the fact that he will always be a part of me is my initiation to motherhood and all that is holy and good in this world. I sacrify a piece of myself daily to my beautiful son and all of the sleepless nights and middle of the night feedings have all been worth it! He is beautiful and healthy and is SIX MONTHS OLD TODAY!!! He eats breakfast lunch and dinner now and has pretty much since the first of the year. He has said three words in the last two weeks. "MAMA", DADDY", and "CUTE". He can now push and pull the sliding mirror door on the linen clost open and closed, and does forward rolls both ways from a squatting position on his knees. He looks so proud! He is very srong and healthy and I know thathas alot to do with the fact that I am breastfeeding him. I am very proud of myself for continuing as long as I have. It hasn't been easy. Declan is waking up now...until later!

The Return of "George"

Yes kiddies, the old period is back by popular demand! Old "George" as my father and I referred to my period, is back after 16 whole months! I got my period when I was nine, so that is a nice long well deserved break! Declan is almost six months old and we are still breastfeeding succesfully. I hope to go as long as he seems to need it. My period has made me feel very good like I can think again. Like I am my own person almost. I feel as connected as ever with Declan and love him so much! To see him grow and change is a miracle! Each day is more and more precious! I am so grateful for his presence and I am forever changed by his joy!

INAUGURATION/INTEGRATION!

This morning while I was breastfeeding my beautiful omniracial baby boy, I watched in awe as we watched the 44th President of the United States of America get sworn in. He is biratial but lives and looks like a black man. I can't help but have a positive outlook for the future! 30 years ago people would call me the painful hateful "nigger" and shun me if they found out my race. Even though I am very "lightskinned" and look very white or latina, both my parents are black. My grandmother and my mother used to tell me stories of segregation and how it affected them back then. They lived in Texas where there was and still is great racial discrimination and prejudice. If you could "pass" for white, you did, and everyone understood. It was a ticket out to freedom. No one in my family ever did, although they could have. My son has big blue eyes and blond hair! He has grown so much and is such a beautiful spirit! He has been eating solids since the first of the year! He also eats rice crackers called "Baby MUM MUMMs" isn't that cute? He LOVES them and has one after lunch each day. He is really enjoying food and eats very well. He started with peas and then carrots and then sweet potatoes. All this you mix with rice cereal or barley or oatmeal in that order. We haven't gotten to the oatmeal yet. It is just such a joy to be with him and I am so glad I am still breastfeeding. AAP really stresses the importance of exclusive breastfeeding the first year. We are almost entering his 6th month and I am still going strong. I almost lost my will to do it when he started biting recently. I don't blame him, I know he is teething but it really hurts and breastfeeding can limit your mobility. I was seriously giving that formula the side eye! I just take it away when he does it and I think he is beginning to get the hint! We moved this past December and that was pretty stressful. I was very nervous to drive such a long way alone with precious baby Declan on board. Luckily my good friend Paula came along for the ride and even helped us motor through emptying the boxes for the kitchen! She rocks and has been so supportive throughout my pregnancy. She and I worked on her project for kids called M4TK..music for the kids. She taught a songwriting class in cities such as Long Beach and Compton after school so they can express their feelings about their troubles in a constructive way and make art out of painful situations they may be experiencing. I myself have always used writing poetry, and later songs, to express my feelings of loss, anger and confusion. She was with me when I discovered I was pregnant with Declan. I found out in a music shop in Long Beach! He and I have been playing piano together every day. He always selects the sound "vibes" to play..he is so smart! He went to his second dinner party, Thanksgiving at Marie's parent's house was his
first. We said goodbye to Patrick's friend Robert who is moving to Seattle. I will miss him, but look forward to visiting him there. Declan fell asleep on his shoulder which was so great! I am convinced he remembers Robert from in utero..Declan can grab things with his hands and pass them to the other and drop things on the floor to watch me pick it up and give it back to him again. He likes to forward roll and stand holding on to his floor gym rainbow arches. He has been saying "Mama" this past month and talks alot saying ayyyyeaaahh! and aauuuuuu. He is on the b's now because I am now rolling him around on the big blue yoga ball. This very ball is the one I was bouncing on to chant gong yo and nam myoho renge kyo after I started having contractions. Right after I finished chanting and stood up, my water broke on the rug right there. I swear it smelled like sweet flowers! How amazing. I gave the rug to my friend and neighbor Dean from the North Hollywood house. Now he will always have a part of us with him! HA!

Talking!

Declan started to talk shortly after his 2month birthday! He says "aouuu" and squeels and other noises now. He also smiles so much more now. He is so sweet and good natured. He has such a funny and cute personality emerging. He is getting so big! He is in the 95th percentile for height and the 90th for weight in his age range. We had his 2 month checkup a little while ago on October 2nd and he had his first big shots. It was so difficult to see him hurt and the needles were so huge! He is getting very strong and can roll on his side now. He lifts his head so much higher during tummy time now and can stay for longer periods.

TEETHING????

Declan will be 2 months old on Monday! Yay!! He has been cranky in the evenings lately and one day he put my finger in his mouth and started chewing with his gums! Could he possibly be teething already? He just got here! Woah Nelly!! Other developments are he grabs my bra now. He can also drum his fingers and he smiles a lot more. He is making new sounds now and I can tell which mean what now mostly. He has the sweetest temperment! We went to brunch at Bob's big boy in Toluca Lake today which was fun! I fed him bofore we went and he slept the whole time! Funny enough, our waitress had just had a baby and he was two months as well! I just thank my lucky stars I have a husband supportive enough to understand the importance of me staying at home with Declan. I couldn't imagine leaving him now! Going back to work as a waitress so soon after giving birth would be agonizing! My knees and joints still hurt, and I would miss him so I would hurt emotionally as well. God bless our waitress and her child. What a strong woman! We went to this really amazing resale place for babies called "once and again." It is owned by the parents of a friend of Patrick's. They are so cool! We got a bunch of "baby einstein" development toys I had on our baby shower list. She gave us a "Brown bear brown bear what do you see" by Eric Carle touch and read block and the accompanying book as a gift. Declan pooped while we were there, and he pooped so much he had "back poop" which is poop so vast it fills the diaper and goes up the baby's back and spills out of their diaper thereby ruining is onesie. It is very important in babyland to have extra onesies and whole outfits on hand! When Declan has mucous , we say he has "trucks" up his nose. One day he was snorting and carrying on and I said it sounded like he had trucks up his nose. It stuck so mucous and boogers are now referred to as "trucks" Patrick love this so much that he got Declan a great book about various trucks toay! It is very colorful. Tonight was very special for Patrick and Declan because Declan slept on his chest for the first time in a while. Then later, Patrick read to him from a story book he picked out for him while we were on the island of Kauai. It was such an amazing story and he chose to read it to him on his own. His Hawaiian pronunciation was perfect! I so wish to go back and live there! We were so happy...

TAUTS!!

On August 30th I ordered a product called "TAUTS" from Brooke Burke's great website babooshbaby.com. It is a belly wrap to help shrink your tummy and uterus after delivery. You wear it for 40 days and nights and boy oh boy does it work!! My tummy is so much flatter now! It really is amazing and I highly recomend it.
Declan is doing great and is almost sleeping through the night! He goes to sleep finally at around 11 pm and gets up at 3 and 5 and 7 am for feedings and sleeps till 9am. This has been going on for 5 days now. He is lifting his head so high during tummy time now, and is pushing up his legs to stand while i hold him lightly under his arms. He is so strong! He is "talking" more and saying new things. Last night he threw a real wobbler and was crying a lot. Daddy gets a little hurt that Declan isn't soothed by his comforting efforts as well as mine, but I have told him he needs to bond with him alone a bit more. It has been hard because he has had to work so hard lately and such long hours. Declan is asleep now for his afternoon nap in his bouncy jungle chair that vibrates. He loves that chair!
I am going to attempt to rise at 6am to go to the gym for an hour each morning. At my six week checkup I got a prescription for the pill that is safe for nursing with progeston only no estrogen. The Doctor says I am "open for business" LOL! I also found out that I have lost 26 pounds since July 28th so that is great. I bought a scale the other day so I can keep track of my progress. I have 30 more to go! It hasn't even been two months yet! I need to give myself a break, but not a very big one. Exercise makes me feel good, and I haven't been in a hot tub in a year since you can't hot tub it while you are preggie! Whirlpool here I come!! Wish me luck and courage getting out of the house to the gym!!