Saturday, June 2, 2012

Mourning the Loss of Babyhood

I have tried very hard to be present in the moment, and sensitive to Declan's changing needs. We successfully transformed his room into a "big boy room", including taking the rails off of his convertible crib. It is very difficult to get him to sleep at night, and he stays up until 9pm these days or later. Patrick has to lay down in front of the door to prevent him from leaving. It is a drag.

He is asking to nurse every day, and always asks if it is back. It breaks my heart because I really want to give it to him, but because I am taking 5HTP I can't. Also, I know it would relieve the terrible pain in my breasts from the clogged ducts. It would be so easy to go back, but my mental health is more important.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

ABC SONG!

Declan sang the ABC song from start to finish perfectly yesterday at dinner time for Daddy! Lately I have been pretending to be various characters that he loves like Sally from "Cars" and June from "Little Einsteins", and the other day he was talking to "June" (me) and June asked him to sing a song for her.  He suddenly launched into the ABC song! It was the cutest thing ever.

On a more serious note, I have taken steps to deal with my stress and short temper by taking 5HTP, which is an amino acid and improves mood by boosting Seratonin. Also, in tandem with that I am taking Holy Basil which helps you have a more positive response to stress. I have been scaring myself and Declan with my yelling and overall bad countenance as of late, and am determined to overcome the poison of anger. It is possible that I am suffering from depression and extreme stress. I know that I do not take enough time for myself, and that I am not taking care of myself properly. For everyone's sake this must change, and it starts with me taking initiative to say what it is I need.
1) Yoga/Pilates
2) Time away from Declan
3) Intellectual and Artistic Pursuits and Goals
4) Structure and Discipline
5) More Meditation and Chanting
6) More education on early childhood

For Christmas I asked for and received books to help me with Declan's new transformation from baby to little boy. I was so sick of spinning down a shame spiral every time I lost my temper and yelled at him, and realized that I needed help. I heard of Positive Discipline from my friend Cathy who uses this method with her son. The Positive Discipline books are by Jane Nelsen, and there are many to choose from. The ones I chose are "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers", "Positive discipline", Positive time outs". I also got "How to behave so your preschooler will too." by Sal Severe. These new books and the medicine are beginning to help. I lost it yesterday when he wouldn't stop playing in the blinds and scared the poop out of him. Re directing or laughter and tickling would have worked just fine, but I chose to yell...ICK. I was sick and puked the day before, and there were gale force winds and rain outside yesterday so we were inside all day. It is challenging to entertain a toddler when you feel ill, and I was not in the right frame of mind. Perhaps when the urge to yell comes on I should start chanting loudly! I have this horrible feeling like I am a monster and everybody knows it.






The other positive side effect of these new vitamins is that I can no longer nurse even occasionally. This is the end of the sixth day, and Declan is having a bit of a hard time. He is asking for it often, but seems to understand when I tell him that "nunga" is gone for good. I told him Nunga knows he is a big boy and went away, and how sorry I am.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday!

I wonder if anyone else gets shy when it comes to arranging play dates. I guess I feel insecure because we have a small place. I need to make more of an effort to make more play dates for him.

Today he road piggy back as we played horsey and said "giddyap giddeyap!"I need to get him some more outfits so he and his friends can play dress up during play dates. I also have been looking for a stove for him and found a cool retro one which is not plastic and will hold it's value from Kidkraft.

Converting his room to big boy status is challenging. I don't want to move him too fast, but I do want to keep up with his changing needs and development. Nana got him an easel and we got him a table and chair set. I just need to get him a chest of drawers, and a lovely bookshelf which can grow with him and as his library expands. I heard yesterday at school that you should keep them in a crib until they are three developmentally. I need to get more baskets to put around the house, and get a chalk board. I had this idea that I would paint a part of the wall in either his room or in the foyer as soon as you walk in to the right with this new chalk board paint. I need a cork board as well. i also saw a cute calender just for him by Alma's Designs called "Today is"
Here is the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Almas-Designs-TI-74-Today-Is/dp/B0017S3JXO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1292068061&sr=1-2

Monday, November 29, 2010

FIRST SONG!

Today was a great day! I got up very early this morning and went to the store for milk and berries for oatmeal. It was crisp and cold, and it got me out of the house first thing instead of our usual in bed nursing sessions.

This is the second day of weaning today, and I know we are both ready. His immune system is now, at two, fully developed and he is through with the biggest most important shots. I feel confidant that I have done my best to give him the best start in life, and am ready to let a new chapter begin.

I sing row row row your boat to Declan every day since he was tiny, and the other day he sang it start to finish word for word! And yesterday he sang the I love you you love me Barney song! It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard! He hums it all of the time around the house.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

I will be 41 tomorrow, and have never been happier in my life. Declan is getting smarter and more wonderful by the day, and I am amazed at his command of words. He says please and thank you, and sorry when he hurts someone. He is funny and so sweet. He is going to the potty regularly and making poop too. He just made poop on his potty today, and is doing so well considering his age. I am so crazy that I took a picture of his first poop! I just was so proud, and he was too. It was a little slower going for the poop than the pee in the potty, but I figured out that I had to keep him naked so that I could recognize the signs, and quickly put him on. Now he says "Butt hurt!" so I know he needs to go. It's too funny!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

So sweet

Today we were playing blocks on the floor and it was lunchtime. I started to get up to go fix lunch and Declan said "together?...us?" and grabbed my hand. My eyes welled with tears, and I felt so incredibly blessed to have such a sweet child as my companion in life. I love that we are together all of the time, and am so fortunate to share his early years with him. I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Mommy and me preschool!

What a lovely day today! I got up this morning feeling great. I guess it was a 24 hour bug, or maybe it was the chanting I did last night. I decided that I would just get on with it and take Declan to school. It was a great idea. Even though we were a bit late, I'm glad we came.

It has been so wonderful being a part of this Mommy and me preschool in Marinwood. I love it out there and I feel right at home. So many amazing things to do here for the little ones! I demented myself to death searching for the perfect place for Declan's first school experience. I read thousands of websites and found a great one! Here is the link : http://www.marinmommies.com/preschools  I also searched on YELP to find out the real low down honest reviews from real Mommies and Daddies and the word on the street. This place really is a winner.

First of all, it is held in the Marinwood Community Center, where there are so many fun activities are happening anyway...a great place for families to bond together. It is right next to a fire station with big bright yellow fire engines right there for the kids to freak out over. Lots of music programs and enrichment activities that really are amazing.

What really hooked me was the director Susan Press. What an amazing woman! She is an artist herself, and is an accomplished writer. Here is her biography:

Susan Press has been the Program Director since September of 1986. Her background includes a graduate degree from the San Francisco Art Institute and a teaching credential from California State University at San Francisco. Susan taught art at the junior and senior high school level for eight years primarily in the Piedmont School District, with her first year at Miller Creek School, here in the Dixie District. Marinwood has had a preschool since its beginning as a community center. Susan began the Parent-Toddler Program in 1989 and the Threes Together in 1990. She has also taught art in the Dixie Schools through the Youth In Arts Program.
Susan writes a column on parenting for the Marinwood Review.
“Coming to Marinwood and the preschool-aged child, has been the best surprise gift in my life, second only to parenting. I am continually blessed by meeting the most loving families and honored to be trusted to work and play with all these incredible children. There is not one aspect to this job that I do not enjoy and continually learn from. My focus as a teacher is to help each child to feel safe, loved, good about themselves and excited to come to school each day.”

Such wonderful families as well. I have made friends with a lot of the Mommies, and had a play date with a nice lady named Kimberley and her lovely son, Jamie. They live in Marinwood Estates, and it is surrounded by mountains. It is a beautiful, new community, and is a fantastic house. Declan and Jamie have made friends at school, and Kimberley is very cool.  Declan loves to crack Jamie up! Today we made a coin purse together as a craft. She laid out fabric markers to decorate the little white coin purses with, and they had cute gold coins inside them for the kids to play with! How cool! Every craft that we have made here is useful, beautiful and thoughtful.

I am going to try out "The Little Gym" in Sausalito tomorrow. Kimberley says it is great, and Jamie loves it. I love Sausalito, and it looks great online, so we are going to give it a go. I'll let you know how it turns out.